IMG_2037**commence standard intro to my blog posts….so busy, blah, blah, blah, too busy to blog, blah, blah, work, travel, motherhood, busy, knackered, work, business, blah, blah**

And reassume blogging position…


So I am now 28 weeks pregnant. How the freak did that happen? Well yeah, I know how that bit happened (I think), but seriously what is happening to time?! People keep saying ‘omg you look like proper pregnant all of sudden’ – tell me about it people!! It feels like its going to fall out! This baby is SO low. I’ve already started to adopt some kind of early waddle for any kind walk over 200 metres (which essentially just looks like I’ve crapped my pants). This part shouldn’t happen yet should it?!

Phoenix has gathered the concept that there’s a new baby coming now, well, it’s hard for him not to notice my ever protruding body (I swear every time I read his bed time story I am just days away from going right through the bed slats). He starkly reminded me of my enormity and slow ability to get up off the sofa/generally move, after this deep conversation over breakfast last week:

Me: “Phoenix you’re such a funny cheeky little monkey!”

Phoenix: (thinks and says completely dead pan whilst looking me up and down). You are an elephant.


He is swinging between being ridiculously cute about the baby (such as observing a mum pushing a baby in a pram and saying “mummy I think we should get one of those for my baby when it comes”, too cute) and then rearing towards a less positive referral of just calling it ‘a poo that isn’t going to have any of my toys’. Less cute.

And so with the image of me walking like I’ve crapped my pants and the ‘poo’ I’m growing in my stomach according to my dearest child I come on to my latest toddler saga. ..

EVERYTHING is ‘poo’ at the moment. It appears to be the greatest joke humans ever IMG_1839wrote, and lets face it, it requires no comedy timing or dramatisation. You just say it how it is, use it when you feel and if you’re aged 2 – 4 you are a guaranteed a massive LOL. Poo this poo that. What did you do at nursery today? A poo. Who did you play with? A poo. Where do you live? In a poo. What shall we talk about? Poo. You are a big poo poo poopy poo mummy. Sigh.

You’re an elephant….If only, I want to go back to being an elephant, way cooler than just being a poo. 

And I’d like to add ‘well at least I have my husband for intellectual conversation once he’s in bed’, but I am glancing across at the other sofa as I type this, and Ben is eating a bowl of peanuts while watching the Teenage Ninja Turtles from the 90’s. Who downloads and watches that on a Thursday evening at the end of May?

Anyway I digress…I suppose I’m not really helping poo matters by purchasing books entitled “Here comes the Poo Bus” and reading him “Everybody Poos” a delightfully purchased gift by my friend Liz which visually demonstrates all the different creatures you could think of basically taking a crap. It’s an intense read.

So I would like to know when the poo obsession ends please? It started since he learnt how to use the potty and got the chance to study his poo’s and say goodbye to them down the toilet. This was months ago. Literally months. The hardest thing is at times it is just really funny, it’s hard not to laugh especially when your in public and he points at someone on the train and says “does that man poo?”. Should I be telling him off for this?! Because he always does pick people that sort of look a bit like they probably have just been in the crapper.

IMG_1578Ooo sorry had to pause there to listen to an important fact about  the TMNT merchandise in the 90s. Thank god for google on mobile otherwise I’d be none the wiser. Poo. Google that, just get back to poo.

In other news since I last blogged I’ve been to Morocco, Bruges and New York…plus Glasgow and Nottingham, I know, show off. And after all that travelling here’s a shameless plug to Ben’s latest Phoenix film shot in New York on his new camera/man toy.  He really has come a long since watching the Turtles in the 90s. Ahem. He likes comments. For gods sake comment on his You Tube channel, it will at least stimulate a conversation in this house beyond Terminator, Turtles, Cruiser, new Star Wars….and poo.

Arrrrr….Lol I do love my boys really…..but is there going to be another one coming along?! Arrrggghhhh!!



One thought on “Poo

  1. I lolled at ‘a poo that isn’t going to have any of my toys’

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