From the very moment of conception things happen to women that are as far removed from ‘glamour’ as you could imagine. Pregnancy brings trapped wind, swollen ankles, vomiting, and back ache. Then there’s labour, which is by far THE. least. glamourous. moment. of. a. woman’s. life. EVER. Amazing, yes. Glamourous, no. Once baby arrives you’re then kindly left with a pair of leaking nipples, an empty baby bump sagging on your stomach and the tell tale signs of tiredness smacked across your face. Lovely. Then comes the puke stain that resides permanently over your shoulder for the first few months only to be replaced by a slightly thicker puree based residue once that phase is over. And lets not forget your darling little one himself; you look upon him with adoring eyes; he’s a true angel, the most beautiful thing ever created…but, when you’re legging it to the mothercare changing room because there’s been a poo explosion and said angelic child is screaming down the shopping centre whilst your taking taking out shoppers ankles left right and centre, others may disagree with your adoring gaze. Not so glamourous after all. But it can be done; amongst all this there is a little bit of glamour hiding in there in all of us and when you release it, it will be all the more noticeable.
I always tried to maintain a bit of glamour during pregnancy, I took advantage of the thick shiny hair and tried a few new styles and hair accessories and kept up the old fake tan, I painted my toe nails until I couldn’t anymore and then employed Ben to take over (that was possibly even more messy than the actual birth). I also had to deal with the most glamourous time in a woman’s life; her wedding day, whilst I was 5 months pregnant. I was anxious in the build up – you normally you get the chance to do some kind of super diet before your big day, a bridal diet seems to work for everyone, so finally, at last, this bride diet magic could have been my one chance to excel in a diet. Not me, I was far too busy eating my way through a life time’s supply of mini babybels. I do think I nailed the whole bride thing, I genuinely felt lovely and the wedding was properly lush with close friends and family and very very special. I think how you feel is often how you look and that’s what counts…the boutique dress didn’t do any harm either 😉
Once Phoenix arrived, from the first couple of weeks I decided that I would always make an effort to do my make up everyday. It’s the one thing I had that was just to do with me, it made me feel more human for some reason and it made feel like each day was beginning and ending as it can feel like one massive sleepless loop when you become a new mum (plus I have really fair eyelashes and if I don’t put mascara on I literally look like a boy.) Gradually as life moved on and the new born phase slipped away, slowly but surely I continued to readdress my inner glamour. Hair revamp? Check. New wardrobe?Check. Weight loss underway? Check. Attempted evening wearing ridiculously high heels? Check. More fake tan? Check, check, check!! (fyi I am not orange. I think….I hope.)
There have been so many times when I’ve got to work and spotted a Phoenix related stain on my outfit, BUT the point is it was on an outfit! I made the effort! And that deserves some kudos! It’s freaking hard work to fit in being all womanly and beautiful when you’ve got your hands full but I urge you women, make the effort! Fit it in! You will feel one million trillion times better. Below I’ve scraped together some tips for getting your glamour back post child birth. At this point I should hasten to add that I by no means think I’m some kind of smoking hot mumma. I do everything for myself, it’s important to me I’m still a young woman, it’s important to me I still feel sexy and confident, it’s important to me I don’t spend the rest of my life in trackie b’s…
– Sell loads of your old clothes on eBay. Be brave, face up to what is NEVER going to fit again. Your body shape has changed, it’s unlikely slot back perfectly to how it was before (if you’re reading this thinking ‘well mine has’ then…hissssssssssssss, ahem, I mean, I’m really chuffed for you. Really I am. Hisssssssssss). Sell them off and use the cash to invest in a few really nice pieces to add your wardrobe. Think quality not quantity. Get a few lovely things that fit really nicely and invest in them, it will help your confidence and you’ll look hot to trot.
– Get your eyelashes tinted the week before your due. I know it sounds vain but sod it, you’re about to head into labour, you can have WHATEVER you desire. Eye lash tinting (and perming!) is single handedly the best beauty treatment invented. No need for mascara and you’ll look way better in the gorgeous but slightly ‘ugh’ post birth pictures.
– Under no circumstances should you start wearing ‘mummy shoes’. You know the type, frumpy, slightly butch etc. If you ever hear yourself muttering the following statements: ‘these are really good for my back‘ or ‘they are just so comfy I don’t care what they look like’ poke yourself in the eye with a lip gloss and march yourself to your nearest Office branch. Immediately.
– Replenish your underwear supply. Get measured, get a proper fitting bra and throw away your skanky maternity bras. They. do. not. fit. anymore!!! Oh and your pre baby bras probably don’t fit either, so if you find yourself squeezing into them or with room in the cup for your lunch, then get rid. They’ve got to go. Oh and I’m sorry but so have the granny pants. Wearing baggy pants makes you look fatter. Fact. Get some that fit.
– Do some exercise. There are so many excuses not to exercise when you’re a mum – tired, busy, not time, tired etc but without sounding too harsh, just get on with it. You have a baby and a pram, every gym should have one. Walk up a hill, tone your ass up and feel heaps better.
– Go for a massage. They should be dished out to mums on the NHS. I cannot believe how screwed my neck and back is getting, there are so many knots in there (maybe I should get some ‘mum shoes’!?) You need to relax, fit one in. They don’t come cheap so check out your local beauty school for a bargain.
– Make sure your partner knows you need regular presents. And I mean regular. Oh and they must be pretty.
I am about to get a new hairstyle, it’s every woman’s trick to creating a ‘new you’. Plus my hair seems to be falling out! My hairdresser assures me it’s not and that I have lots of hair but I am literally malting. There’s three blondies in this house and at times I feel like I’m living in a house owned by a family of golden retrievers. I will remain true to this blog post, I will be brave, I will get a new hair cut. Just for you, to see what happens. I’ve been growing my hair for years by the way, I cry when I get it cut most times…I’m doing this for you, to inspire you to unleash your glamourous self back into the wild, be back soon….