I know I quite often blog about poo and such things but don’t let the title mislead you, I am actually referring to when is the right time to try for baby number 2 (which will inevitably lead to more blogs about poos). So if you’re reading this whilst eating your dinner then feel free to carry on….oh and can you save me a bit?
So lets begin exploring this mind field: is there such a thing as the ‘perfect age gap’? When I’ve raised this with more senior mums who are onto baby number two or three (three? Agh how they hell does that work?!) wondering how they feel about their baby timeline, to my surprise most of them seem to want to edit their timeline a bit: a bit of a longer gap so one was closer to school? Or a bit of a smaller gap so they’re at similar stages for playing and general convenience? So what’s going on here? This has got to be the only time in mumsville, when there’s a bit of a pause and rethink. It would seem that there is some kind of belief amongst us that there is the ‘perfect age gap’ and I too am falling victim to this trap and starting to think about going on the pointless journey to purse it. It feels like more of a major decision than having number one…life could be very different depending on when you drop in number two. I think it’s something that is probably going to get way too ‘over thunk’ in this house – what’s the saying, ‘one’s part time, two’s full time, three’s over time’? I’m not quite sure I’m ready to go full time yet… (I’m also not sure the above actually is a saying. I don’t even know where it came from, quite like it though!)
Part of the reason I wanted to ‘get on’ with making babies now was that so I would have a bit more of a choice about when to have the second and have the option to have a third later on if I we wanted to (three? Aggghhhh how they hell does that work?!)
I’m 28 and on this Mission to Motherhood, I’ve found that many of the mums I’ve met are quite a bit older than me. Many of the them are lovely and my friends, but at times I have felt judged and looked ‘down on’. It could be where I live, or the industry I work in whatever it is, within the social circles I inhabit I am definitely classified as a ‘young mum’. I find this quite strange as 28 feels like a normal age to have a baby (I always thought 25 was a good age until I got to 25 and thought ahhhhh noooo!!) I certainly don’t think of myself as any less ready, less mature or less able than the older mums, we are all mums, we all go through the same stuff (FYI this is just my personal experience, I am not saying this applies to all older mums as I said many of them are lush, please don’t throw eggs at my blog or anything!) I personally wouldn’t have wanted to have had babies any later, I always wanted be a young, energetic, glamourous mum (ok so one out of three isn’t bad), just in the same way that some older mums may shiver at the thought of having babies in their 20s. It is an interesting topic and one that seems to get everyone fired up. It’s made me think about real ‘young mums’, they must get some serious shit. Pre-judging is crap. Older, younger, whatever. But to stick my oar in on the subject, I’ve got to say that whilst everyone’s quite aware that when women hit their 30s and there’s an annoying tick tock of pressure, but people are less aware about the ripple of judgement or perhaps shock out there when a young woman who’s doing well in her career wants to step back and pop out a baby. I defo experienced a little bit of that. Well screw everyone, just do what you want.
I’ve diverted a bit, but my tedious link is that similar dilemmas apply to having baby number two. If I was an older mum I’d defo pop them out one after another, no brainer. But I’ve almost left myself with too much choice. I could go straight back in and be done and dusted with the hard stuff and lack of sleep by the time I’m 30, hmmmm interesting. Or I could wait 3 or 4 years and have a longer recovery time and allow myself some more time to get back into work, by that time Phoenix will also be old enough to enjoy the new baby too. Hmmmm, also interesting.
This is what I’ve been thinking about over the last couple weeks (I saw a cute baby on
Eastenders and an awesome baby bump in one day, it was enough to set me off) and I’m pretty sure that I am not ready to go in for the ‘back to back’ baby production line. God knows how women do it – being pregnant and looking after a baby. Respect sisters, women are freaking amazing. But I don’t think I’m up for that, I really want to reclaim myself first; I want to lose the rest of my baby weight before I gain any more and I want to enjoy concentrating on Phoenix and taking in every moment (I already feel guilty to the non-exsistant second child for writing that because they’ll never have that. Proof that a mother’s guilt is truly relentless!!!) The new born phase feels SO far away, it’s quite crazy how it all whizzes by. I’m not sure I’d know what to do with a breast pump any more! On that subject, we had Phoenix’s first steps this weekend! Quite incredible! He just stood on his own and then took about 4 steps followed by mass hysterics and hand clapping (I think he was just a little bit pleased with himself). So now that Phoenix is on the loose there’s simply no time to think about another one…I have a second wave of baby proofing to perform on the house. Watch out London, there’s a Phoenix coming for you!
Would be keen to hear your ‘age gap’ stories in the comments below or check out the Mission to Motherhood facebook page.